Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Redemption has a Name...

And that name is R.Y.A.N!

Many of you are unaware of just how bad I failed my dodge ball team last year. It wasn't all my fault as the A-holes on the Keybank team were a bunch of dirty, filthy, cheaters whose flagrant disregard for the rules have ensured I will never trust them with my money. But that is a whole other story.

Besides dirty, dirty cheaters there are mainly 4 reasons why things didn't work out for us.

1. I didn't wear a Tom Landry hat to properly motivate my team.
2. I assumed that because I am so awesome and have seen the movie "Dodgeball" like 100 times I would naturally lead my team to victory.
3. I wasn't wearing enough sweat bands.
4. I didn't turn my name into an acronym of my strategy.

R-Remember the A.L.A.M.O (see below)
Y-Yes, I will destroy all opponents who dare oppose me.
A-Awesome will always triumph (except for last year, which was the exception that proves the rule)
N-Never is not enough...

A-Avoid getting hit by the ball.
L-Look where you are throwing.
A-Always eat a good breakfast.
M-Move out of the way of the ball.
O-Only one team can win.

Once plan R.Y.A.N has been implemented I should be a lethal dodgeball force.

The project will involve hours of dodging and catching drills designed by me for optimal dodgeball performance...

I just realized that I don't have very much time before I will meet my opponents in ball to ball combat, which means I won't have time to implement project R.Y.A.N, which means we are probably going to loose again. (sigh... Ef)

For some people going into something they know will end in a humiliating defeat may cause them to reassess their course of action. Luckily, I am not one of those people. Even though I am 90% certain my participation in this dodgeball game will end with my humiliation, I cannot wait to do it because as Dr. Seuss in his infinite wisdom has said "these things are fun and fun is good". So I am going to choose fun over dignity and always will.

Your Guide for Life,

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