Hello Fellow Adventurers!
So I got some friends (Kyle, Mike, and Chase) together to play a game I invented years ago while avoiding studying for finals. The game is simple enough and is the natural evolution of 3 sports. First, is Calvin Ball the favorite game from the beloved Calvin and Hobbes comics. Second, Murder Death Frisbee which was invented by my dear friend Jess Long. This game was essentially a friendly game of Frisbee with the added excitement of slide tackling. The last sport thrown into the mix is plain tennis.
So how do you play Murder Death Tennis? You ask. It is simple enough. All you need is a butt load of tennis courts, either 4 or 6 with a specific layout. There need to be at least 2 full courts next to each other, then at least a 10 ft tall fence with 2 courts next to each other on the other side. Then you simple ignore the "pansy nets" and use the much taller and dangerous, therefore awesomer 10 ft fence as the net.
After theses basic qualifications are met there is fierce debate among MD tennis scholars over how to properly play the game. Purists, like myself, insist that there is no right way to play it, as long as it is never played exactly the same way twice. Some of the more radical scholars insist that certain rules and boundaries must be enforced to preserve the games true nature. There are a few guidelines that the two schools of thought typically agree on though. For example, both believe that the first rule of MD tennis in that you don't talk about MD tennis. Okay, that isn't actually a rule but it is really fun to say. The real rules are; there are no rules.
But for any of you novices who think they have what it takes to enter the realm of MD tennis here are some of the ways I have played in the past. Typically we play till all of the tennis balls are no longer in the court. We then gather them up and laugh and brag about the what happened. Last time we brought six tennis balls one was stolen by a kid at the park with left us with just five. So we only had about thirty seconds before we had to gather them all up again. One time we played and you had to take a drink of Mt. Dew after ever hit, I don't recommend this for people with weak stomachs though. Another rule that was a lot of fun is having to name your swings everytime you hit the ball. This adds mental stimulation to the game as well.
The best thing about MD tennis is that if something isn't working just do something different. I generally don't keep score. Real tennis scoring is so stupid that I couldn't come up with a stupider one. Although since a tie in tennis is called love, sometimes while serving I will say that the score is 1,000,000 hate. You are welcome to try to keep score but with a game with no rules it is slightly difficult. Although there are awards.
The MVP of this last MD tennis match went to my friend Chase. This award was earned when he hit the ball as hard as he could at the fence and the ball hit a cross bar and came back and nailed him in the gut. It was so awesome that we had to take an official five minute, roll on the ground, point and laugh break
In closing remember there is always a more fun way to do even the stupidest of activities, like tennis. Just joking don't get all offended real tennis players. Real tennis has no excitement for me but add in a couple extra courts and I'm happy as a pig in slop. The real point of MD tennis is just trying to find new ways to make things fun. Doing that keeps life interesting.
Your Guide for Life,
-Ryan
P.S. I will try to post some pictures to help visualize the game.
